Welcome to the Tasteless page, the humour
and boredom tools here should be appealing to the more
mature age group, i.e keep it away from the kids.
||Two Irishmen walk into
a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section
and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem. The owner comes
over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take
four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,"
says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.
Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop
and get into Gerry's pick-up and drive to the top of
the Conor Pass. At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at
the1000-foot drop and says:"Dis looks like a grand
place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them
on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy
watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom,
killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the
remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and
says:"Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin'
dangerous for me."
Moments later Seamus arrives up at Conor Pass. He's
been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of
the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a
shotgun in the other. "Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus
says. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws
himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as
half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the
parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down
until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his
body. Paddy shakes his head and says, "And I'm never
trying dat parrotshooting either."
Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two
friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet
shop and is carrying a paper bag out of which he
pulls a chicken. Sean then hurls himself off the
cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a
rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes
his head "Feck that Lads. First der was Gerry with
his budgie jumping,den Seamus parrotshooting ... and
now Sean is feckin' hengliding."
A stranger was
seated next to Little Johnny on a plane when he
turns to Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've
heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up
a conversation with your fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed
it slowly, and said to the stranger.
"What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an
interesting topic. But let me ask you a question
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same
stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a
cow turns out a flat patty,
and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that
you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you
don't know sh*t?
"A young girl who
was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was
yesterday rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A
coastguard spokesman commented, "this sort of thing is
all too common". (The Times)
"Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey
about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas
said "We agree it was rather high for the time of
year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the
up during the explosion that blew his house to
pieces." (Bangkok Post)
"Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a
stolen van, because they cannot issue a description.
It's a Special Branch vehicle, and they don't want the
public to know what it looks like." (The Guardian)